Saturday, June 7, 2008
Just a pre curser for those of you who would not like to hear me complain and gripe you may want to skip this post, However, I have decided to post it anyway because I have been putting my posts into a book for a journal (a.k.a. Family history) So like I said if you don't want to hear it... you may just want to skip this post.
Today started off very similar to a few months ago. Kris and I got really good at our routine and I was reminded of that when we had to fall back to our old routine today. Kris would get up in the mornings getting ready for work and would bring me a zofran, toast (it hat to be toast, untoasted it wouldn't stay down) with peanut butter on it and a glass of water. The water never had to be to full, If I ever drank more than a sip and half up would come everything. After bringing me my drugs Kris was off to work and I would lay in bed and listen for Molly to get up and the drugs to kick in. It seemed to help just enough to get me out of bed when Molly would get up and I could usually make it though changing her diaper and getting her some milk and toast before I had to head back to the bathroom floor. The zofran helped me get from my bed to the places I would spend most of my time... the bathroom floor, this was always a hard one because Molly would just stand and watch me throw up and just scream the whole time having no idea what was going on, and there was nothing I could do to help or comfort her. My other places of rest would consist of the family room floor or the couch. This was a place where I could pull out all of Molly's toys and observe her and make sure she was ok and not getting into anything that she shouldn't be into. This is where Molly got her love of Barney that's right and only Barney. We would play this again and again. Molly was still a very unsteady walker and she got really good at making a walking path though all of the toys sidestepping carefully though to make it to where she wanted to go. Anytime I was on the couch or floor you could always find the famous white bowl, there was also one in my car, you never know! I was sitting in young women one Sunday after all of the girls had left and one of the other leaders said that I looked like she felt, tired. I told her I was pregnant. She was so cute and just lit up. "Oh that is so exciting, that is so wonderful" and then I just burst into tears. I wasn't thinking that it was so exciting or wonderful, in fact I was wondering what the heck I was doing. I couldn't even take care of my 18 month old daughter. There were days she would sit in her high chair for more than an hour, until I could get off the couch to get her out. The zofran I was taking during the day never made me feel better it just made me not throw up as much. Things have gotten better and I'm not taking the zofran anymore, but I always feel nauseous. I am now getting closer and sometimes think that this too shall pass, but I never would have been able to survive this with out my amazing husband. I feel like every time he looked at me I was running to the bathroom. He would come home from work and clean the house, take Molly into his arms and love her and give her the attention she was in dire need of, and would make dinner. He was, has been and is absolutely amazing. There is no way I could have gotten though this with out him. There have been others that have been amazing. The same young womens leader I was talking to that Sunday and the bishops wife called one evening and said that dinner was on it's way. After they left I just looked at Kris and cried... I was so overwhelmed and feet so sick, they did something that I could not do for my family. I felt such love and appreciation. Thanks to all of those that got me though this. I'm now doing and functioning well, but will be so glad when this baby gets here. Thanks to my wonderful husband who has the system down so well that all that I had to tell him was that I needed a zofran (it's been a while since I have had to do that) today and he was on the ball. I feel blessed that I have been able to go so long with out it. I know I'm not the best at enduring this part of children, but I love being a mom. I love seeing them grow and there is nothing in this world I would rather do or be than a mom. There are always trials with greatness, such as making it though pregnancy to have these amazing spirits in our home and part of our family. Even now that my amazing husband and wonderful daughter have given me there fantastic cold, and I'm having to cough with my head in the air because my body now thinks that it should automatically throw up when I cough, you never know what you're going to get...Will you throw up or pee your pants or both simultaneously. What I want out of this entire rant is that as my girls read this when they get older... I want them to know that there will inevitably be hard times in life. You will have challenges that push you and test you until you feel that you can't take anymore. These times in life are necessary for you to have. How can we ever really appreciate the good if we never experience the bad. The nice thing is, it will always get better, maybe not over night, but it will always get better!