Sunday, June 29, 2008

Change Of Heart!

This post is one that you might want to skip, being as it will be long and you may not want to take the time to read it, but I'm posting it for journaling purposes.
Last week I was able to attend relief society and the teacher asked "What are you doing for the Savior?" As I pondered this question I had to take a deep look inside myself. I came to the conclusion that I need to stop my complaining about how miserable I feel and how I'm ready for this pregnancy to be over, and be truly grateful for what I do have. I need to stop focusing on the bad and change my focus to the good. This doesn't mean that I'm willing to go a week over due like my mom wants me to so we can have a 8/8/08 baby, but it does mean that I need to take a good look around and find some things I'm sincerely grateful for. Well, after having this epiphany I got home from church and went on with my day, but the time I got into bed I was telling Kris how much I hated this and how miserable I felt and on and on... How quickly I had forgotten. As I was laying in bed thinking about that my mind went back to our young women in excellence a few months back. The theme this year was "Change of Heart". It was organized a little differently. Each girl wrote down an experience of a time when they had experienced a change of heart. Then each girl got up and read her experience. Most of them were times when they had fed the homeless or participated in a sub for Santa, etc. etc. But then one of the beehives got up. She talked about how just a few short weeks ago her parents had sat her down and explained to her and her siblings that their dad was very sick. He had to have several operations and they didn't know what the outcome would be or if he would live much longer. She said that she didn't know what would happen and that she was so scared and rather than being a help to her family she acted out and was being belligerent. She said that one day she was talking back to her mom and her mom looked at her and said..."Attitude is everything, pick a good one!" There was not a dry eye in the room. I was humbled by that when I realized that I was so concerned about a little sickness, and this young girl 13 years old was wondering if she was going to lose her dad. I have thought about that a lot lately. Last week I was reminded and then by the end of the day had forgotten. Throughout the week I have had several experiences that have brought this back to my memory. I was reading a friends blog and her brother and sister in law were planing on having a baby, two days away form their due date the baby had stopped moving. She talked about on her blog how they induced labor and when the baby come they all sat in the room with his earthly body and felt that his spirit was there with them. She talked of them knowing that they would have him back one day. My heart broke for this couple, even now I wish them great comfort in this overwhelming trial in their lives. Half way through the week we also got an email form the ward about a family we have become well acquainted with and how Her brain cancer has come back. As I sat and visited with her husband today in church his attitude was that of "everything will be ok". He told me that this couldn't have come at a better time, their kids were all coming into town this next week and that they had gone in to have her check up a few months earlier than they originally had planned, and that there were no signs that had indicated it yet. Meaning no seizures, head aches etc. Again I was brought back to remember of my "What am I doing for the Savior?" I wasn't doing very well with my goal. The last thing that I have been thinking about is my amazing aunt Vickie. Vickie is my dad's sister and she passed away when she was 15. She was so young and suffered with Lupus. My dad was only 8 when she passed away. When she was so sick and in the hospital, my grandma had just had a new baby that was also sick in the hospital and then she received a call that my grandfather who worked at Geneva Steel had just had a terrible accident and they didn't know if he was going to make it and that she should rush down to the hospital if she wanted to see him before he died. He had a steel pipe that had gone though his head. While he was in the hospital recovering my grandma made the comment "Could it get any worse?" shortly after that comment one of the older kids had finished mowing the lawn and one of the younger kids put both hands on the lawn mower giving her severe burns on both hands. I have never heard that phrase out of my grandmas mouth, in fact I have heard only positive things what a great example. Vickie was also one to find the positive in everything. She is amazing to me. The more I learn about her I am honored to call her family. One of my aunt Vickie's favorite poems was this...

Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair.
I envied her, she seemed so gay, and wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobbled down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
And as she passed... a smile.

Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 legs, the world is mine

I stopped to buy some candy. The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you. You see," he said, "I'm blind."

Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue.
He stood and watched the others play.
He did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join the others, dear?"
He looked ahead without a word. And then I knew,
he couldn't hear.

Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.

Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine........

May God forgive me of all of my short comings and exspecialy when I whine. I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful life. I have the most amazing husband, a healthy wonderful daughter, a beautiful home, an awesome car that I love (thanks Kris! and the Eastons) We are all healthy and happy. We have the gospel and knowledge that there is a Savior who sacrificed so much for us and we have the opportunity to repent and become better people. I'm so grateful for the atonement, I believe in it with all of my heart and I would be so lost without it. I really am going to make much more of an effort to not complain and focus on the positive. When there are so many others who have trials that are so much greater than mine, I have no reason to complain or whine. I truly am blessed, and I'm grateful for this reminder to focus on the positive. Thank you to all of those who are tremendous examples of patience, love and of long suffering!


Bella Blogger said...

Lindsay! So fun to see your blog too. Thanks for posting. Your daughter is too die for! And it looks like you have another one on the way. Boy or girl? Hope you don't mind, but we'll be folowwing your blog now.

Bella Blogger said...

Yes, I do create all those blog designs. Let me know if you want of course!

Brooke said...

I needed to read this post today. I just adore you! Thanks for putting things into perspective. You are amazing.

cristelle said...

this is a great post. it's good to get a reminder every once in awhile to recognize all the many wonderful blessings we have. thank you for being that reminder

The Wyler Family said...

you are so wonderful! thanks for sharing such great thoughts.

EJNielsen said...

Thanks girl for reminding me of what is really important. Contact Pickett about getting together when I'm in town. Love ya!

Natalie said...

Lindsay, you truly are amazing! We all need a little reminder sometimes and to have things really put into perspective. I'm sorry to hear this pregnancy has been so awful! Sounds like mine with Hannah. I really had no idea. Thank you for your words of encouragement and advice!

I love you and am so grateful to be your cousin! Thanks for finding my blog. Its great to stay in touch and feel connected this way!

I guess we'll see you on Friday. Happy Birthday to Molly!