Adjusting to two children has been a challenge for me. I love having two children and for the most part they are really good kids, but as a mom it just seems that the dishes are never done, the house is never clean, there are never enough diapers, time, hands, and did I say time? I have really been feeling that I have not only failed as a mother, but because of other things I feel that I've been a lousy wife, accountant, YW leader, friend, house manager, and the list could go on and on. I just feel defeated in every way and the stress has led to a massive headache by 11 am everyday. I have been in what a friend referred to as a "funk" lately. There have been a series of events that have left me feeling like a failure over and over and over again. Last night when I was finally able to get into bed at about 1:30 I was laying there pleading with my Heavenly Father that I could not feel this way and that I would have the energy to get up the next morning and not begin another day of failure after failure. When got up this morning I got Molly up and got her some breakfast and while she was eating I decided to jump on the computer and I happened to look at a Kari Holt's blog and this was the last post that I began to read:
Failing Miserably"Have you ever wanted to give that as your answer when someone asks how you are doing? I've definitely been feeling a desire to use it the past several weeks. I've been in a funk lately - perhaps you have no idea of the funk I'm talking about ... lucky you! It's the one where I want to answer I'm "failing miserably" when someone asks how I am doing. The one that makes me feel that way about every single "job" I hold (wife, mother, maid, friend, church member, neighbor, PTA mom, etc.) The funk where nothing I do is good enough, done well enough, organized well enough, thoughtful enough. The one where I feel like the most selfish and self centered person around. I seriously hope that none of you know this funk (although it would be just a "little" reassuring to know I'm not the only one)!!" -Keri Holt
She went on to say that as she was cleaning the toilet that she received the answer to her prayer. She thought of the scripture in 2 Nephi 2:27 that talked about how Satan want everyone to be miserable like he is. Then she thought of the scripture just a few verses before that one that talks about how "men are that they might have joy." It's Satan that works on us like this. He wants us to feel miserable and unhappy. WOW!
As I sat and read Keri's post I couldn't stop crying and then I cried when I read it to Kris and I'm crying again as I right this, but It's just amazing to me all of the tender mercies of our Father in Heaven. That was my answer as well and the Lord shared it with me though Keri. The funny thing is that 2 Nephi 2:27 is one of my all time favorite scriptures, but I had not thought of that, also I just taught a lesson in young womens on know we are children of our Heavenly Father and I talked about how Satan uses discouragement as one of his greatest tools, yet I was still struggling in other areas. I'm so grateful that I do receive answers to my prayer how ever they come, thought friends thoughts, scriptures, etc.
Keri talked about Pres. Manson's talk on "Finding Joy In The Journey". I also thought of Pres. Uchtdorf's talk "Happiness, Your Heritage" in the relief society broadcast. I realize I will never get more time and may not always have a perfectly clean house I may not ever have enough diapers, clean close, but I do know that I always have enough hugs, kisses, and love. I know that Time is just going by too fast and I don't want to miss all of the important things that will bring me true Joy. So I know I'm not perfect, but that is also why I'm so great full for the amazing things in my life, like my amazing husband, my beautiful children, the gospel, but most of all for the Atonement. I realize over and over again that not only am I grateful that I can repent of my shortcomings, but that these feelings of inadequacy and inferiority or of failure can be wiped clean with the atonement. I know this will not be the last time I have to be reminded, but I'm grateful that Heavenly Father teaches me this over and over. I am really focusing on taking the TIME to find Joy In The Journey! With these two and their dad, how can I not find Joy!