All Rosie!

These days seem to be so hectic with trying to keep Molly entertained, happy, healthy, or fed that Stella seems to spend most of her time on the floor, her car seat, or in her swing. I feel so bad about this because when Molly was her age I could hold her for hours and still accomplish most of the stuff that needed to get done. Not the case these days. Today has been very true to form of trying to keep up with Molly and the mess she made with her poopy diaper, running from here to there, I did sit down and get some food while the girls naps over lapped a bit, but after the hectic night of trying to get dinner done and on I felt that I have just neglected my poor little baby. So after we got Molly to bed instead of cleaning up the kitchen I picked Stella up and just held her and she just talked to me and smiled at me. How grateful I am for these precious "Mom" moments. These moments are seeming to pass all too quickly! I'm grateful for the chance that I have to take the time to just hold my baby!

Warning: This may be a long post!

Who in their right mind would post pictures of themselves like this, but I realized I have never written down or documented this experience and I needed to for my journal.

When I was climbing into bed the other night and the sheets were fresh and clean as well as the pillow cases' and as I looked down at my pillow case, it brought back so many memories of three weeks of my life in July of 2005! This is what I remembered...

I was admitted to the hospital on July 2nd and so I missed the annual Baird 4th of July party, but they had everyone sign this pillow case for me, and then sent it up. What a good reminder it is.

This bucket was my best friend for the 3 weeks I spent in the hospital. I was never far from it. Sorry to those who had to see me use it!

This was the tube they put in my back to drain the fluid from my lungs.
. The pink band on my arm is from them drawing my blood every day. The pick line helped with that as well.

Here is my amazingly supportive husband. He is holding the tube that was inserted into my Kidney, I'm holding the chest tube and if you look closely you can see my 3 IV's

*3 weeks

*$80,ooo in medical bills

*20lb loss

Two weeks after Kris and I were married we were out looking for a kitchen table and I started to have a horrible stomach ache. By the time we got home I had my seat fully reclined and I felt soooo sick! It was really early but I headed to bed. I was telling Kris I felt so sick and that I felt like I needed to throw up. He suggested maybe if I made myself throw up I would maybe feel better. I know it sounds sick, but I was desperate. I tried and tried, but couldn't get anything to come up. I finally was able to go to sleep, but I woke up about 1AM. It felt like I was going to explode. I can't really describe how it felt, but not wanting to wake my husband I layed on the floor to see if that would be better. It was worse. I tried standing, but I still had this feeling that I was going to explode. I got back in bed and trying to be as quiet as I could I just started to sob. Kris woke up, despite the earplugs, and asked what was wrong. When I told him it was only getting worse he suggested that we go to insta-care. I was concerned about us not having insurance and so I declined the offer and tried again laying on the floor. Kris kept saying that it didn't matter that I wasn't covered, If I needed to go than I needed to go. That's when I started throwing up, It wasn't one of those I feel better, but once it started I couldn't stop. I was throwing up the stomach bile because I had completely emptied my stomach. After a bout a half hour of that I decided that I would take Kris up on his offer to head to insta-care. On our way to insta-care I called my mom thinking that I would still possibly be on their insurance. When we got to insta-care they were closed that's when we decided to head to the ER. Mind you I was still throwing up at this point we were pulling over so I could throw up. We had gone to St. Marks, but they didn't take my parents insurance or Kris's insurance, so we headed to Cotton Wood, but we couldn't find the ER entrance so as we are driving around looking for it we kept pulling over so that I could throw up. Finally in the ER they gave me some pain meds and some anti nausea meds and that seemed to really help. The Dr. said that I was fine to be discharged and sent me home with more pain meds and anti nausea thinking this was the "Newly Wed syndrome" a.k.a. a UTI. We headed home. I got into bed and this is when the meds started wearing off again. I almost felt worse. I asked Kris to go get the prescriptions filled, mind you this is early Sunday morning. I was feeling more horrible than I had ever felt in my life, I have been counting the minutes until Kris would be home. I literally couldn't move I layed in bed in a mummy position and cried till he got home. Then we decided to go back to the ER. Again the same thing happened and a different Dr. was thinking the same thing and was ready to send me home, but he gave me the option of being admitted or going home. I told him I didn't really want to be admitted, but I didn't want to go home and have the same thing happen again! The Dr. admitted me. At this point I still was throwing up. I had Kris call my brother knowing that my parents were at church so that he could relay the message that they were admitting me. After waiting what seemed like hours they wheeled me up to a room. My parents showed up shortly after I that. When they got there... that's right still throwing up. The nurses told me later that first night I spent in the hospital they were all extremely worried about me, my stats had been all over the place. This is how I spent the next 3 weeks. They realized that I had a massive kidney infection. I was not responding to any meds and still throwing up they did several MRI's and then chest x-rays. At some point my lungs began to fill up with fluid. They had to put it a chest tube to drain the fluid. It seemed like it was one thing after another and I wasn't getting any better in fact I was getting worse. I had in at least 3 IV's all the time and sometimes 4 until they burned out all of my veins (your veins do feel like they are on fire, that's why they refer to it as burning your veins) IV's are not meant to stay in the same vein for an extended period of time. Once one vein was burned out they would move the IV. Until one nurse said I don't know why they haven't put in a pic line. They did drain the fluid out of my chest and you would think that it would feel good being as you were being crushed by the fluid, but I hurt. This is how it went for 3 weeks. I never seemed to be getting better only worse. Poor Kris was still working everyday and then would come after work and sit in the hospital with me until he went home to go to bed. Yes still throwing up. I was so weak I couldn't stand or walk and it got to the point that when they would come to get me for x-rays I couldn't even get out of bed to get in the wheel chair, so they would just wheel me on a gurney every where. I got to know the nurses so well the CNA's the Transporters all of which I loved an appreciated. My mom would come up almost every day and sit with me while Kris was at work. My little sisters would come and sit as well. I still feel horrible they missed their whole summer due to me. My older sister McKenzie would leave her 3 little kids at the time and come and sit with me. I remember once she asked if there was anything she could do for me, or anything I wanted her to bring. I asked if she would shave my legs, It had been weeks since it had been done and graciously she did it. I had countless visitors from our new ward that I had not yet attended, friends and family. It was coming to the middle of week three and my mom later told me that is when she came home one day and told my dad..."I think we really could lose her." One Sunday my grandparents had called the nurse to see if it was a good day to come and visit. When the nurse asked me I told her no. I was always so drugged up and I still felt horrible. That same day my aunt Chris and uncle Dennis came without a heads up, I think it was inspiration. My uncle Dennis asked if I had had a Sunday school lesson since I had been here. I told him no and he shared with me the story found in Luke 24. This is after Christ has been resurrected and two apostles are walking on the road to Emmaus. A man joins them and asks what they were talking about and they told him all about Christ and how he was not found in the tomb. Dennis then went on to tell me that here the apostles had been walking with Christ and had not even know it. He told me Christ too had been walking with me, and I was not alone. Christ knew what I had been through and what I was going though. Then my aunt Chris gave me a coke she had "smuggled" in. She didn't know that the kitchen staff had told me whatever I wanted they would get for me any time even if the kitchen was closed, any thing that sounded good at all. They were just hoping I would keep anything down. I had had countless priesthood blessings, but I think that when Dennis gave me that "Sunday school lesson" I started to realize that the atonement was not just so that I could repent, but I truly needed the physical healing of the atonement. I had taught people on my mission of the healing power of the atonement, but I have never had to use it, not like this. I was dying and if I was to get better it would be the atonement that healed me. I know I can't really explain it, but it was only then that I decided I would turn everything over to my Heavenly Father and only then did I start to feel better. Recovery was not over night, I had a long road to recovery, but I was able to keep down a subway sandwich of all things. I think that was the only thing I kept down but that was enough to get discharged form the hospital. If anyone would touch my arms for a year after my arms would still burn. I had a long way to get one of my lungs that was damaged to the point that I could breathe and It wouldn't hurt. And it was weeks before I would walk up the street. But look at me. I have no long lasting effects left. Only gratitude for this experience. I am thankful for family and friends that would visit, pray for me, or simply keeping me in their thoughts. I'm thankful to my mom who gave up her summer with her girls to sit by my bedside day after day.My dad who would come visit often and give up work time, and help me keep what movement I had left. My sisters that sacrificed their summer to visit me or let my mom visit me. For a sister that would sacrifice time with her kids to shave my legs. Nieces and a nephew that made signs. All of the card and flowers. My husband that would sit with me at night, support me, love me, care for me, and not want to trade me in for a non defective wife. My uncle Dennis who received inspiration to teach me. For my health, but most of all for the knowledge that the atonement covers every aspect of our lives, and that it has an amazing healing power!

All Rosie!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Giving Thanks: Day 5 {Technology}

Keeping Molly Busy!

History In The Making!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Giving Thanks: Day 4 {Our Country}

Monday, November 3, 2008

Giving Thanks: Day 3 {Mom Moments}

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Giving Thanks: Day 2 {Health}

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Giving Thanks: Day 1 {Kris}